


Elevatorstuck!

by Laurasauras



Series: Elevatorstuck AU [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Fluff, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, Strangers, Trapped In Elevator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 14:14:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13953315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurasauras/pseuds/Laurasauras
Summary: Prompt: Au where Dirk and John who are strangers to each other get stuck in an elevator for a good solid nine hours, Dirk on his way to a con, probably in cosplay, John on an Important Business thing. It’s fucking stupid.Thank you http://villainveins.tumblr.com/ for the prompt. I'm on tumblr too! https://www.tumblr.com/blog/megalaurasaurasrex





	Elevatorstuck!

**Author's Note:**

> So, I have unfinished works coming out of my ears, but I saw this prompt and it made me laugh so I smashed this out last night, couldn't sleep until it was finished.

You are running so late! And holy moly, your dad would be so quietly disappointed if he knew that you had waited to iron your shirt until the morning of the seminar and further quietly disappointed that you couldn’t figure out the strange hotel iron on your own! At least the housekeeper was really nice and able to help you. She even said that other people had trouble too and she didn’t mind, which you think was probably a lie, but it was really nice of her anyway.

You abandon all attempts at being cool and race towards the elevator. You manage to get your hand in between the doors just before they close, ignoring the irrational fear that they would close anyway and take your fingertips to the lobby without you. The doors shudder open obediently and you step inside, eyes on the floor so you don't have to make eye contact with the other passenger after that embarrassing display.

You press the "G" button even though it's already lit up and the doors make an awful grating noise as they close again. Your fellow passenger shifts on his feet and you look at him for the first time. 

Huh. 

He's wearing a cape.

‘Sup,’ he says.

‘Sup,’ you reply weakly.

You force yourself to look directly at the elevator doors. You press the button for the ground floor even though it’s already lit up.

‘You can ask,’ the guy says as the elevator starts on its agonisingly slow journey downwards.

‘Ask what?’ you squeak.

‘Suit yourself,’ he says.

He seems pretty normal for a guy in a cape. With blue spikey hair. And pointy red glasses. And no shirt.

And  _no shirt._

You do not feel equipped to deal with this.

The elevator creaks as it moves shakily and slowly down the hotel. You watch the light at the top of the doors drift, _so slowly_ , from your floor, 42, down … down … down …

When you get to 27, the elevator shudders to a stop. You sigh, really regretting not taking the stairs, it’s just that 42 floors is a lot of steps and you don’t want to sweat through your suit! You wait for the doors to open and consider getting out when they do and walking the rest of the way anyway.

The doors don’t open.

Cape guy presses the door open button.

Nothing happens.

‘Huh,’ he says.

He presses the ground floor button.

Nothing happens.

‘Got any insights, Suit?’ he says.

‘Uh …’ you say.

Cape guy chuckles under his breath and pulls out a phone from his pants pocket. You assume he’s dressed up for something, maybe a party? Or maybe he’s a superhero! No, that’s ridiculous.

‘Uh, no reception for me. You got any?’ he says.

You pull your phone from your suit jacket. No reception.

‘No! No wifi, either!’ you say.

‘No, they do that in elevators sometimes,’ he says. ‘Especially older ones like this. So much metal, these crazy doodads don’t know what to do. Whatever, that’s why there’s an emergency call button.’

He presses it and a ringing noise starts up. You jump a little, but if he notices, he’s polite enough to not mention it.

‘ _Hello, Prospit Security, this is Megan, please state your name and location,’_ a bored voice says.

‘Hi, Megan’ the guy says, his voice amused. ‘My name’s Dirk, I’m in Skaia towers elevator and it’s just stopped. The light says level 27.’

‘ _Thank you, Dirk, do you mind holding while I contact reception on your behalf?_ ’ Megan says.

‘Sure,’ Dirk says, but the line has already gone dead. ‘Glad to hear we’re in safe, devoted hands,’ he says to you.

‘I’m John,’ you say, because you know his name, so he should know yours.

‘Nice to meet you, John,’ he says.

There’s an infinity worth of awkward silence before the line crackles back to life.

‘ _Thanks for waiting, Dirk. Reception has confirmed that the elevator is out of commission._ ’

‘No shit, Megan,’ Dirk says.

‘ _We’re now investigating the cause and apologise for any inconvenience. Do you have any medical reasons to make this an emergency?’_

‘I’m good. John?’

‘I have asthma, but I have an inhaler and I feel fine!’ you say.

‘Yep, John’s a straight up nerd, can confirm,’ Dirk says. He smirks at your outraged face. How does he know you don’t dare get into a fight in front of Megan?!

‘ _Is it just the two of you in the elevator?_ ’

‘Yes,’ Dirk says. ‘Hey, can you contact my brother, let him know I’m here?’

‘ _Sure. Contact information?_ ’

Dirk rattles off a number without looking at his phone. You fumble with yours to find your dad’s number.

‘Can you do the same for my dad?’

All in all, it’s a very productive and reasonable few minutes.

 _‘Is there anything else I can help you with?’_ Megan asks.

‘What’s our ETA?’ Dirk asks.

‘ _Reception is currently attempting to track down the technician. I’ve known people to be out within minutes, but Skaia’s an old hotel, it could be a lot longer.’_

You and Dirk stare at each other.

 _‘Is there anything else I can help you with?’_ Megan asks again.

‘Nah,’ Dirk says after a moment, looking away.

‘Thank you!’ you say.

The connection disappears.

You check the time. 8:45. You’re now officially late for the conference. At least you have a good excuse.

 *

8:57

‘It’s an anime convention,’ Dirk says, out of nowhere, after ten minutes of not speaking.

‘What?’

‘I don’t normally dress like this, it’s a cosplay, I’m going to the anime convention with my brother.’

‘Oh,’ you say. ‘Do you like anime?’

He looks at you oddly.

‘Well, yeah, enough that I took the time to make a costume and am willing to flounce around the city with my tits out for the sake of it.’

You look at the tits in question. You’re not ashamed of your body by any measure, but this guy is … um … ripped. He’s the kind of guy who can pull off not wearing a shirt under his cape. He’s the kind of guy who probably disappoints people when he  _does_ wear a shirt under his cape. Not that he always wears a cape, probably. How would you know?

Oh shit, you’ve totally been staring at a stranger’s chest for an inappropriate amount of time!

‘Um, I’m sorry!’ you say. ‘I kinda zone out sometimes, I wasn’t ogling you or anything!’

‘Ogle away, friend,’ he says, and thankfully he seems amused rather than offended. You still blush and look away though.

‘What anime are you from? Is your costume from?’ you ask, very pointedly looking at the corner of the elevator.

‘Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.’

‘What?’

‘Just say “oh”,’ he says.

‘Oh,’ you say.

You meet his eyes and he’s smirking again.

 *

9:30

‘So, where were you going?’ he asks.

‘A conference. Seminar, really. I work for my dad? He thought it might be useful for me to learn, um, leadership skills.’

‘Leadership skills?’

‘Yeah! Like, okay, so I’m a supervisor and so I have people to manage, but dad thinks I could be more assertive with them! I don’t know, though, I think if you ask people nicely and try your best alongside them then they work harder!’

‘Wow,’ he says.

* 

10:03

The intercom crackles to life again.

‘ _Hello, boys,’_ Megan says.

‘Howdy,’ Dirk says.

‘ _I have some bad news. There are only three technicians who know what they’re doing with the ancient elevator you’re currently in. The good news is that one is in the area and willing to come help. He should be there within the hour.’_

‘The hour,’ you repeat.

 _‘I know,’_ she sighs. _‘To be honest, you’re lucky this guy even knows what he’s doing. The next closest guy is three hours away and notoriously grumpy. On the plus side, I got a hold of your family.’_

'Oh, good!’ you say.

' _Yes. John, your dad says he believes in you and wishes you luck. Dirk, Dave says, and I quote “suck shit, bro, I'm going to the con anyway.”’_

You stifle a chuckle because you don't know if Dirk's feelings will be hurt, it's just really funny to hear Megan say that message in her bored, professional voice. Dirk smiles fondly.

 *

10: 08

‘Is it getting hot in here?’ you ask.

‘Is that a pickup line?’ Dirk says, smirking again.

‘No!’

You blush and pull at your collar slightly.

‘You can loosen up,’ Dirk says. ‘Take off your jacket, undo the top button.’

You’re hesitant to after that.

‘Dude, I’m half naked here. Even the score.’

Well, when he puts it like that! You twist your mouth and think about it.

‘John. I take it back. I never said an awkward, mildly flirtatious thing. You may now do whatever you want with your clothes, knowing that we’re in here for like another hour.’

‘I … yeah, you’re right. Sorry, I probably made it weirder than you did!’

You undo your top button and loosen your tie.

‘My stars,’ Dirk says, fanning himself. ‘If this were an anime, my nose would have exploded into a tsunami of blood.’

‘What!’

‘Sorry, I’m an asshole, ignore me. When I feel uncomfortable I can’t help but … I don’t know, push it on everyone else.’

He shoves his hands in his hidden pockets. You peek at his pants a bit closer. He’s got what looks like bandages going from just below his ribs to below where you can see. His pants bunch up and are tied with a thick belt, the cut of the pants drawing the eye in a flattering “v” to his crotch.

You decide to stop looking at his pants.

‘I don’t mind,’ you say. ‘There’s actually a huge tradition of pranking in my family!’

‘I don’t know that pretending I have a raging hard on for you is a prank,’ he says.

Silence was fine. Let’s not make conversation anymore.

* 

10:22

‘Are you gay?’

Dirk jumps a little like you've distracted him in the middle of something, but as far as you can tell he was just staring at the buttons. There isn't a lot of variety in the elevator.

'Uh, yes. But I really wasn't hitting on you, I was just being awkward,’ he says. 'Why, are you?’

'No!’ you squeak.

* 

10:24

'Well, I mean, I don't think so …’ you say.

'Sounds like you're gay, bro,’ he says.

You make an uncertain noise.

He sighs.

'There aren't many people who are 100% gay or 100% straight or 50% bi. People need to quit with the label bullshit, I've seen so many of my friends flip flop from one rigid label to another and it's like, yeah, okay, I'm a sagittarius, and yeah, I'm assertive and fiery and all those sagittarius things. I read the horoscope in the paper and I think to myself, holy shit, how did it know I should take the stairs this week, it warned me about stairs, that is uncanny. But I know that horoscope is bullshit because the other many million sagittariuses in the world were not trapped in elevators this week and I don't fit in that box, no matter how well it seems like I might sometimes.’

You consider that.

'So, are you not gay?’

'Oh, no, I'm the gayest person I know.’

You're terribly confused.

 *

10:45

'Okay, John, you win, I'm sitting down first,’ he says.

'I win?’ you ask.

'Oh, see that makes it worse if you weren't even playing,’ he says. He takes off his red cape and folds it carefully into a cushion. 'I’ll have you know, I'm a pretty tough guy. I just don't like standing without purpose much.’

You give a little giggle as he sits himself on his cape. He looks pretty cute when he's pretending to be cross.

'I guess I'm just stronger than you,’ you say. 'That or I stand around with no purpose all day at work and I'm used to it.’

You feel a bit weird standing when he's sitting so you sit down too.

'Are those real tattoos?’ you ask.

'Nah, just part of the costume. Dave made such a fuss about painting them but I sewed both our costumes.’

'Why have you still got your glasses on?’

'Why have you still got your glasses on?’

'Because I'm incredibly near sighted!’

 *

11:14

'I have weird eyes.’

'What?’ you say.

'Half the reason I chose the costume was because I can cover my eyes.’

'I can see your eyes through your glasses, dumb-dumb. They're just tinted.’

He takes off his glasses and gives you a flat look. His eyes are orange.

'Woah,’ you say.

'Right,’ he says and he goes to put them back on.

'No!’ you grab his wrist. 'I mean woah like they're really pretty! Don't make yourself see everything red just to cover them up for me!’

He looks at you for a second and then down at your hand, which is still holding his wrist. You blush and let go.

'You have pretty eyes, too,’ he says. 'Since we're complimenting each other.’

'Thanks,’ you mumble, embarrassed.

 *

11:33

You both jump up at the sound of the intercom.

' _Hi boys, how are you holding up?_ ’ Megan asks.

'I’m going to level with you, Megan, I could really use a piss,’ Dirk says.

' _Ah.’_

 _'_ We’re going to die in here, aren't we?’ Dirk says in a resigned monotone.

' _No, of course not! There's just been a delay. The technician arrived, but he doesn't know what he's doing. He had hoped he would figure it out but turns out he exaggerated on his resume.’_

Dirk starts to hit his head on the wall. You think it's time you took over with Megan.

‘So, how long until the next guy gets here?’

Megan is quiet for long enough that you consider asking again.

‘ _About four hours, I’m so sorry, guys. Reception is figuring out a way to lower you some food and drinks. Any allergies?’_

‘Holy shit, no, don’t give me anything more to drink,’ Dirk says.

‘Peanuts! And could we not escape out the top?’ you ask.

‘ _It’s really not safe to do so unless it’s an emergency. And the fire brigade has to do this whole thing … if you can hold out in there, it really would be best.’_

‘Could you maybe send down a bucket for Dirk as well?’ you ask.

‘Dude,’ Dirk says.

‘What?’

‘Do we really want to be sitting in here with a bucket of my piss in the corner?’

‘Surely that’s better than sitting _in_ your piss!’

_‘I’m in contact with reception now … What if they sent a drink bottle with a wide lid that you can seal and then you sent that back up?’_

‘Oh my god, more people getting on the piss train. You know what, talking about it is making it so much worse, yes, fine, whatever, do _whatever_ is the quickest solution, I am beyond caring,’ Dirk says.

_‘Is there anything else I can help you with?’_

‘Please tell me there aren’t cameras ready to record this whole awful situation,’ Dirk says.

‘ _Nope! The elevator you’re in is really quite old._ ’

You take off your jacket. The time for a full suit has past.

 *

11:55

Dirk deals with needing to pee by getting increasingly still. When the people open up the emergency hatch and then carefully lower down a picnic basket, you help them and call up to them while Dirk stands perfectly still in the corner. You wait until they’re gone to find the empty water bottle and pass it to him. He meets your eyes in mute appeal for a moment, you’re not sure what he wants you to do, but then he takes the bottle.

‘Oh, god damn, stupid fucking costume. John, be a dear and turn around while I get practically naked in order to piss.’

You turn.

‘Is it better if I talk or if we pretend neither of us is here?’ you ask.

‘You know what, I’m gonna talk through it, you want to jump in, you go right ahead,’ he says. ‘Honestly, I thought that one of the great advantages of having a dick was the ability to subtly take it out almost anywhere and have a sneaky piss.’ You hear the sound of liquid hitting plastic and valiantly pretend you don’t know what’s happening. Lots of things sound like that. It could be ... Nah, it just sounds like piss hitting a plastic bottle. ‘I can’t believe, on this day, the day of our entrappening, that I decide to wear the least practical clothes to take advantage of this fact.’

‘It’s not that bad,’ you say bracingly. ‘I mean, is it really that different to using a urinal next to someone?’

You hear it taper off and then stop.

‘Shit, who likes to use a urinal if someone’s already there, dude, you must have a jumbo dick or something.’

You try to say something, maybe a denial, maybe a playful response, you’ll figure it out when you start talking, but no, instead you squeak. Today has not been a good day for the Egbert squeaks.

‘Man,’ he says. ‘I know this is a strange thing for me to say while my pants are around my ankles and I’m holding a bottle of piss, but I’m real glad I’m stuck in here with someone like you.’

You laugh and start to turn around, figuring he’s done, but nope, that’s his bare ass, he wasn’t kidding about needing to get naked for this. You whip your head back and stare at the wall _very_ carefully.

‘It could have been a lot worse,’ you agree.

‘Okay, dude, I’m decent,’ he says.

You turn around. He sets the bottle in the corner, very gently. You try very hard to avoid eye contact with it.

‘So, do we call Megan to see if she wants to lasso my piss away or what?’

‘It’s in a sealed container, we can probably leave it until the next check in.’

‘Nice leadership decision, John,’ he says.

 *

12:30

It takes a while for you to remember that the picnic basket holds more than just a container in which to urinate. You decide that you will do more leadership decisions and unpack it.

‘Well, this is a pretty adorable date, if we ignore the bodily fluids,’ Dirk says.

‘We’ve skipped all that silly courting stuff and jumped straight to the “way too comfortable in our relationship” stage,’ you say.

‘Right, I guess that was a step up from peeing with the door open.’

‘Yeah, and I’m about to let myself get fat on all this food,’ you say. There’s a selection of sandwiches, a thermos of soup and some nice looking cookies. There’s soft drink and water there, but you don’t think you’ll be drinking unless you get really thirsty. You pour Dirk some soup and then yourself some. It’s really tasty!

‘So, what would you have been doing now, at the anime place?’

‘Probably getting lunch. But, you know, with my brother, not you. It’s cool getting lunch there ‘cause loads of people dress up really well so it’s like seeing your favourite characters just chilling out, eating food, laughing with other characters they’re supposed to be enemies with or from different shows.’

‘That sounds awesome!’

He smiles at you, and it’s the same smirk as before, but you like it better with his glasses off. You're glad you're stuck with someone like him, too.

‘What about you, how long does the seminar go for?’

‘Oh man, like four days. I hope I don’t miss too much today and can still go for the rest of it.’

‘Where do you work, anyway?’

‘A joke shop in Washington,’ you say. ‘It’s been in my family for ages.’

‘A joke shop.’

‘Yup!’

‘Like trick handcuffs and rubber chickens and flowers that squirt water.’

‘Yeah!’

‘And you’re all dressed up in a suit to learn how to be a better joke shop manager.’

‘It’s a seminar, Dirk, I wouldn’t want to be rude!’

‘Is this a general leadership seminar?’

‘No! It’s actually one specifically for joke shops, which, let me tell you, there aren’t many! That’s why I hope I can still go for the rest of it and why I came all the way here when I live in Washington!’

‘Oh my god,’ Dirk says.

‘What?’

‘I just. No, you know what, you keep doing you, all sincere and adorable. This is just the best story.’

You look at him quizzically.

‘Shit, John, you work at a joke shop, you know how they go. A jokester dressed as a businessman and a rapper dressed as an anime character walk into an elevator, dot dot dot.’

‘You’re a rapper?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Are you good?’

‘I can afford to keep myself in beer and dope anime costumes.’

‘Do you ever rap _about_ anime?’

‘Yeah, but I keep most of that online. I have a side channel for the niche stuff and a main one for the club raps.’

You nod as if you know what he’s talking about.

* 

1:17

You pull a deck of cards from your briefcase and start shuffling them.

‘I can’t believe you held out on me on the entertainment front, man, come on, show me some magic tricks,’ Dirk says.

You do.

 *

1:35

‘I fucking hate magic tricks, put your devil cards away.’

You chuckle and reshuffle the deck, showing off a little. You’re really good at it, you have to demonstrate it a lot at work.

‘Come on, you’ll get this one, I’ll go slow,’ you promise.

‘Fuck you, John, give it to me full speed,’ he says, defiant.

You take him through the trick.

‘Is this your card?’ you ask.

‘No,’ he says sullenly.

‘Dirk …’

‘Yes,’ he sighs.

 *

2:29

You roll up your sleeves as neatly as you can.

‘Woah, showing a bit of skin, are we?’ Dirk says. He’s resting his head against the elevator wall and he doesn’t look like he’s moving for a while.

‘Try and contain your excitement,’ you say.

‘Would it be weird if I took my sarashi off?’

‘Your what now?’

He points to his bandages.

‘Do whatever makes you comfortable! I told you it was hot in here!’ you say.

‘That’s just proximity to me, stud,’ he says.

You roll your eyes and then peek as he unwraps his belly. You'd actually thought it was just a shirt drawn to make it look like bandages, it was done so neatly.

‘How’s that not-gay thing working out for you?’ he asks casually and you blush because you’ve been caught.

‘Uh …’ you say. ‘I’m an aries!’

‘Ah,’ he says. ‘The energetic hero, all impulsive and caring, see, it fits. What the fuck are you going to a leadership thing for if you’re an aries?’

‘I thought you said horoscopes are bullshit,’ you say.

‘Yup. Doesn’t stop me from reading them. And apparently knowing them off the top of my head. You know what, don’t judge me, it’s a fluke I have an aries friend. If you’d been, I dunno, virgo or something, I wouldn’t know what to do with you.’

You look down at the magic rings you’re playing with.

‘How would I know if I was maybe a little bit gay?’

‘Let’s play a game. I’ll start with some tepid gay stuff and then gradually slide the scale more intense, we’ll try and stick you in one of those boxes.’

You’re a bit confused, because you thought the whole point of Dirk’s speech before was that you shouldn’t be getting in a box, but you nod.

‘Okay, you can appreciate an attractive man is attractive.’ Nod. ‘You stare a bit at models and actors.’ Nod. ‘You’d kiss a guy on a dare.’ Nod.

‘None of this sounds actually gay,’ you protest.

‘I told you we’re wading into this toe by toe. Like I said, 100% isn’t really a thing. I’m not physically repulsed by being in the same room as girls, you aren’t for guys. Let’s keep on with the shit version of gay chicken.’

You blush because you’ve played gay chicken before. He catches you.

‘You’ve played gay chicken,’ he says with a smirk. Nod. ‘You _liked_ gay chicken.’ Nod. ‘You’d kiss a guy, just to see if it was different.’ Nod. ‘You’d kiss a guy because you think he’s attractive.’ You hesitate. Then nod. Just kissing … yeah, that’s not so scary. ‘You’ve had fantasies where guys are there before, even if girls are there too.’ Nod. ‘You’d have a devil’s threesome.’ Nod. He raises an eyebrow at you and you think maybe you nodded a bit fast there. You shrug. ‘You’d make out with the guy during said threesome.’ Nod. ‘You’d make out with a guy even if there were no girls around.’

You think about this one for a bit. It’s hard when there’s no frame of reference. Would you make out with Harry? He’s the one you played gay chicken with, after all.

It’s no use, it’s been years since school and you don’t remember him well enough. You glance sideways at Dirk to make sure he isn’t judging you for taking too long.

Huh, Dirk. Would you make out with him?

You nod.

‘Okay, well, you’re still in shallow water here. How gropey would you get during these hypothetical makeouts?’

You look up and meet Dirk’s eyes, consider showing him how it would be. Is that fair though? To make out with someone just because you’re trapped with them and maybe end up saying “ha! Actually, turns out I wasn’t gay after all, thanks for proving me straight, friend!” and then having to spend the rest of the entrapment all awkward together.

‘Sorry,’ Dirk says. ‘I was trying to do yes/no questions, make it easier. Uh, would you touch the guy’s chest?’

Of course, you’ve been admiring his chest for hours now, you would love to feel if it’s hard under your fingertips or whether it just looks that way. You nod.

‘Grab his ass?’

Yeah, even under less than awesome circumstances you were impressed by Dirk’s butt. You nod.

‘Let him grab your ass?’

Yeah! Butts all round! You nod.

‘Grind against each other?’

‘What, like—’ you make a gesture with your palms that you don’t think explains it very well. Dirk bursts out laughing and can’t speak for a few minutes, but he nods as he laughs, so you take the time to consider it.

You nod.

‘Okay, sorry, um. Okay, would you let him touch your—’ he pauses, and you know what he’s going to ask, you think he’s picking a euphemism. ‘—cock,’ he says, lamely. ‘Sorry, couldn’t think of a funny enough way to say it. Uh, through clothes,’ he specifies.

Oh, that’s not so bad. You nod.

‘Would you touch his through his pants?’

That would be the part where it is really obvious he’s not a girl … though the grinding … you guess you must have worked up to it slowly enough because it doesn’t feel as big a deal as it used to to nod. If he had asked you outright at the beginning, “would you grab a guy’s cock through his pants,” you’re not sure what you would have said. Now, it’s like, _well, he’s touching mine all nice, I should probably be polite and actually that sounds pretty good right now._

‘Through his underwear?’

Nod.

‘Skin to skin?’

There’s a part of you that breathes, _finally_ , because yeah, you’re ready, you’ll touch Dirk’s cock, you’ll find out if he likes it the same as you or if he feels different, you’d absolutely do that.

You suddenly become aware that you’re packing a semi and it’s hard to blame Dirk for asking these questions in that calm, slightly clinical way. It’s easier to blame him for being stupidly attractive and half naked while he does it.

You nod.

‘Would you let a guy give you a blow job?’

You bet Dirk gives good blow jobs, you bet he knows the secret gay tricks.

You nod. Your semi is becoming a bit less semi and a bit more wholesome imagining his gorgeous orange eyes looking up at you as he bobs on your cock and oh shit, you’re stuck in an elevator together with no cameras and no telling when you’ll be let out.

‘Would—’ Dirk begins.

‘Dirk, can we take a break,’ you ask over the top of him.

‘Uh, yeah, sure,’ he says. ‘You don’t have to answer these at all, I just …’

 *

3:00

‘ _Hi boys, how are you going?’_ Megan asks.

You don’t bother to stand up this time.

‘Good,’ you say dutifully.

Dirk looks at you with raised eyebrows and then shrugs.

‘Good,’ he agrees.

‘ _The technician’s only an hour away, now. I’ll let you know when he arrives and when he knows how long it will take to fix it.’_

She pauses, but neither of you bother replying.

‘ _Is there anything I can get for you?_ ’

‘Bottle of whiskey?’ Dirk says with a little laugh.

‘ _The elevator’s not licensed, I’m afraid … but I’ll mention your joke to Barb on reception anyway, she’ll probably find it really funny_.’

The intercom falls silent.

‘Is Megan going to try and get us booze?’ Dirk asks, perking up a little.

‘Megan’s the best,’ you say. ‘We should marry her when we’re done here.’

‘Okay, but you have to ask my father’s permission. He might be on board with his gay son marrying a guy he met in an elevator and a disembodied woman’s voice, but he’s a traditionalist and he won’t like me saying yes without his blessing.’

You snort with laughter.

 *

3:14

Another picnic basket is lowered down. This one contains cakes, cheese and biscuits and a thermos of hot chocolate. Tucked in the side are a couple of tiny mini-fridge bottles of whiskey. Not enough to get even tipsy. Enough to make you smile.

You put yours in with your hot chocolate because you’re not a huge whiskey drinker. Dirk almost makes to neck his, but then stops.

‘Drinking game,’ he says.

‘What, like Never Have I Ever?’

‘Or, since it’s just two of us, Truth?’

You grin at him.

‘Elevator stranger, I’ve told you stuff no one knows about me today, not even me. Bring it on.’

He grins at you like a shark.

‘You go first then,’ he says. ‘If you get me to refuse to answer, I have to drink.’

‘Okay, but it can’t just be yes/no. You have to tell the story.’

He nods seriously.

‘Most embarrassing celebrity fantasy,’ you say.

He considers.

‘Brad Pitt. He’s not even that attractive and it’s so cliche, but I would absolutely let him go to town on me.’

‘Do I have to drink because you answered?’

‘ _Yes_ ,’ Dirk says, in a way that makes you think you really didn’t until you said that. You take a sip anyway. ‘Okay, my turn. You said you’d make out with a hypothetical dude, would you make out with me?’

You blush outrageously and nod.

‘Don’t hold back, John, it can’t just be yes/no, remember.’

‘I’d make out with you right now if you asked me to,’ you say, trying to beat him at his own game.

He drinks with a smug grin on his face, but doesn’t ask you to. Fine, your turn.

‘Do you … uh … with the gay sex …’ you make a gesture with your hands, flipping them around a bit.

‘Are you asking whether I top or bottom?’ he asks, looking very amused.

You nod.

‘Depends on the guy. If there’s a competitive element or what he’s packing, that kind of thing.’

‘That’s not an answer,’ you say.

‘Fine. I like it up the ass, you happy?’

Yes, actually, you are. You drink.

‘Strangest place you ever had sex.’

‘On a piano stool,’ you say immediately. ‘She tried to have us both sitting up but that didn’t really work, so I ended up on my back and they’re quite small. We should have just gone on the floor, thinking back.’

He drinks.

‘Same question.’

‘Porn studio,’ he says.

You nearly drop your cup.

‘I wasn’t in the movie, I was just visiting my dad at work. He’s a director. One of the dudes took a shine to me. Dad fired him for being unprofessional.’

‘You had sex with a porn star,’ you say.

‘Star is _very_ generous. I think Dad was looking for a reason to fire him anyway.’

You drink.

 *

4:10

You just finish off your drink when the intercom comes to life.

‘ _The technician is in the building!_ ’ Megan says. ‘ _Not long now, guys, you’ve been so good.’_

‘Thanks, Megan,’ you say.

‘I love being called a good boy,’ Dirk says idly when she’s gone.

‘That’s a nice kink,’ you tell him. Better than the pony thing he described earlier. That’s probably on the far end of the scale “ _Would you dress up like a horse and let me pretend to train you and ride you?_ ” You decide to leave that for future consideration.

‘Dirk, can we be friends,’ you say.

‘Dude, is this not friendship?’ he asks. ‘We’ve been witness to each other weeing in a bottle and asked the most intrusive questions we could think of. _And_ , we answered them.’

‘Dirk, what’s your last name?’

He laughs.

‘Okay, point. It’s Strider, by the way.’

‘Egbert,’ you say.

‘Well, John Egbert, I bet you’re sick of me by now, but do you want to have dinner with me and my brother tonight?’

‘Yeah,’ you say with a smile. Oh, thank god.

 *

4:25

_‘Well, gentlemen, this is the last time you’ll be hearing from me. He’s fixed it.’_

‘Megan, you’re an absolute treasure, would you like to get married to us both?’

 _‘I’m afraid I already have a husband,’_ she says. ‘ _But I’m glad you aren’t holding this experience against me.’_

 *

4:26

The elevator hums into motion.

You stand up and straighten your clothes. Dirk looks at his pile of costume stuff and just bundles it all up in his cape.

‘Dirk,’ you say.

‘Yo,’ he says.

‘Would you make out with me?’

‘Planning on doing so when we’re no longer forced together,’ he says. ‘After dinner, maybe.’ He flicks an uncharacteristically uncertain look your way and then looks back to the light at the top of the doors that says you’re going past floor 14.

‘Oh. And it’s okay for me to want to make out with you even if I’m not sure?’

‘Christ, John, how are you ever going to get it on with a guy if you’re not allowed to until you’re sure?’

‘Go back in time and experiment in high school,’ you mutter.

He smirks at you.

‘Ah, fuck it,’ he says, before giving you a sweet kiss on the mouth. You barely get a chance to realise  _oh shit, I'm gay_  before he’s pulling back, looking way too smug.

The elevator lands on the ground floor and the doors open.


End file.
